Mind where you put that coconut

There are, I know, more than a few U’s fans in Greater Manchester. I suspect one of them departed for the Great Habbin in the Sky recently.

My suspicions centre on the coconut that was slipped into the coffin of a deceased person undergoing cremation in Bolton.

The BBC reports that the coconut exploded, ‘sending fear’ through the crematorium staff.

If you’ve ever blown up a coconut, you’ll sympathise with the poor employees. It can put the fear of God into a person.

Donna Ball, Bolton’s assistant director of community services, says mourners put all kinds of things, including TV remotes and e-cigarettes, in coffins. She added: ‘We are asking people to be considerate regarding the items they place into coffins before the cremation process.’

Coconuts: please don't put them in coffins.

Well said, that woman. While I understand better than most that the dear departed will crave their nicotine hit beyond the grave, and will be anxious not to miss Strictly, I'm a stickler for strict adherence to the Cremation (England and Wales) (Amendment) Regulations 2016.

I'm writing to Ms Ball to ask if the explosive coconut bore any traces of amber and black.

Cheerio
​Harry